No one can understand you more than yourself.
Whenever you try to express it so clearly
Still there is a cloud that hide a little part from what do you feel
That people can’t reach the meaning of
your hidden words, hidden feeling, hidden desire

You say you really hurt
But the wounds still yours, not them
They only can help about the cure
But to heal about yourself,—it still be your part
No one can take over that part from you

And inside your heart
You always think what you want to think
What you feel
And you always think about your right side
Try to avoid others feeling
To save yourself first

Because sometimes we are tired to be a defeated person
And try to win our ego
And it is natural,
the real about “human nature”

You are you.
The only person that have a control for yourself
And one more time,—
The only one that understand you are…
Yourself

Dua panggilan tidak terjawab,

Diiringi rasa gelisah dalam tiap deringnya

Antara ingin dan takut,—

Bercampur menjadi satu

Sederhana.

Yang diteleponnya bukanlah orang besar

Bukan pula orang yang menakutkan

Hanya saja,

Dia adalah orang yang berarti untuknya

Tapi sayangnya,

Dua malam lalu ia menyakitinya

Ada terbesit keinginan yang begitu dalam yang timbul dari hatinya

Tapi sayangnya, rasa takut juga mengalir dalam darahnya

Ingin memperbaiki segalanya dengan satu panggilan telepon

Tetapi kalau yang diseberang sana mengangkat,

Apa yang harus dijadikan kalimat pembuka?

Memang benar,

Menelpon sedari dulu terasa sulit

Dan lebih sulit lagi,

Ketika harus menelpon,

Untuk menyelesaikan masalah

Dear My Bestfriend,

Do our friendship still made from steel?

Can we overwhelm all the problem instead torture each other?

Will we always face all the problem together?

Or we just run from each other?

Both of us know

We have done everything together

From laugh to tears

Together in craziness

Together in all battleship

Act like superhero that never feel afraid of anything

But when the things about us

Are we still made from steel

That cannot be broken by anything

Or

We just set our heart like steel

Think about ourselves only

And not try to keep good communication

Put aside our ego

Then we torture together

In different path

Can’t rely each other

Because too much pain that we hold

Make us blind about all beautiful story

That created by each other

I still wish

That our friendship never be broken

Like steel

And so we are

I think I can fix anything

I think I can keep myself on the right track

I think I will not break anything

But all I do
Only make it worse
Make others heart feel more pain

Break trust.
Disappointed.

Honesty hurt me
Hurt you
Hurt us
Torture all good things
Between us

Why my ego play dumb towards me?
Why my logic don’t stop me to torture person
that I promise that I will never hurt

Why?
Why everything so messed up
No.
I think myself more messed up
And it ends me to hurt people that really close to me

All the regret
All the good words
All of apology
Could it make it right?
.
.
.
All the things that I’ve broken?
I just wonder

Apa hal yang paling menyesakkan dalam hidup?

Mungkin banyak hal.

Ada harapan yang tidak terwujud

Walaupun menginginkannya begitu keras

Ada berbagai macam pilihan

Tapi tidak ada kebebasan untuk memilih

Ada luka-luka masa lalu

Yang terulang seperti baru sehari berlalu

Atau

Mungkin ketika kau begitu putus asa

Menatap orang yang berada hanya sejengkal didepanmu

Tetapi tak ada satupun kata keluar sebagai tanda pembuka

Berbagai hal dapat terjadi

Menyesakkan atau tidaknya tergantung dirimu

Yang pasti, yang hanya kau seharusnya tahu adalah….

Yang paling menyesakkan selalu terasa dari hatimu

Sekeras apapun kau menutupi,

Rasa sakit itu tetap ada

Tak menghilang

Juga tak berkurang

Why I trembled so hard this night?

My heart usually numb–

Don’t feel anything

But this night,

It is really hurt

So many bad memories

That play in my head, repeatly

I try to avoid it like usual

But denial never solve anything

Or maybe only this time,

Denial cant solve my problem

Ah, it is easy to say

“Denial is not the best way to solve thing”

But in fact,

I only deny everytime it comes

Read the rest of this entry »

I really want to encourage you from a few days ago

But, I don’t know how to write

Maybe, it’s time to use heart than brain to write this

because my logic cannot arrange word to comfort you

But I hope, my sincere heart can do that

You are a good girl but you don’t want to admit it

Maybe you don’t believe what I say but…

I just want you to know, it is the truth

You have been hurt by irresponsible person

But you still want to forgive them

You still see all that kindness that they have done to you

You still re-think about your decision

Although it is really hard

You think that you are a loser

But I say, you are not

You think you are weak

And people can messed up with you

Because you are easily to forgive

But I said, you are stronger

You are precious

Forgive doesn’t mean you are weak

Forgive means that your heart is wider than others

Don’t hate yourself,

Don’t blame yourself,

Don’t think you are weak

Please, love yourself

Be kind with yourself

Don’t waste your care on people who don’t deserve that

Don’t take all blame that isn’t yours

You always deserve many good things, dude

Ps: I don’t know when you read this, but please let me know if you have read this

-biscuit

1. Kita baik sama orang belum tentu juga orang baik sama kita. Yah yang penting udah berbuat baik
2. Doing good is like investment. It is impossible not wish good in return
3. Marah tanpa alasan itu adalah bentuk kelemahan diri yang ditutupi
4. Otak kita kalau lagi ada masalah ya kayak jalan ditempat, mikirnya itu-itu aja. Mumet!
5. Benar atau salah sebenernya bukan suatu keharusan buat kita tapi menjadi sebuah keharusan karena kita butuh pengakuan diri sebagai pihak yang “benar”
6. Kebanyakkan masalah timbul karena banyaknya mulut
7. Kadang ada hal yang lebih baik untuk dilepaskan daripada dipertahankan
8. Kepedulian bisa dapet dari orang lain bukan hanya dari orang yang selalu kita peduliin
9. Jangan terlalu menyalahkan diri sendiri, gak smua kesalahan slalu berasal dari diri sendiri asal kita sudah berbuat sebaik-baiknya
10. Kalau kita salah, akui kesalahan kita dan perbaiki. Jangan keras kepala dan hanya mau menang sendiri
11. Yang salah tetep salah, yang bener tetep bener. Penilaian kita seharusnya objektif, bukan subjektif
12. Peduli sewajarnya, merasa sakit seperlunya. Segala sesuatu yang berlebihan tidak selalu berakhir baik
13. Hargai kepedulian orang lain dan jangan anggap remeh kepedulian mereka sekecil apapun
14. Hidup gak selalu berputar di diri sendiri, hidup kita akan selalu bersinggungan dengan orang lain. Hati-hati dalam bertindak dan jangan cuma mikirin perasaan sendiri saja
15. Bersyukur dengan apa yang kalian punyai. Jaga sebaik-baiknya. Jangan sampai menyesal karena kehilangan itu smua akibat kelalaian kalian

Selamanya itu apa?

Ini kali kedua aku menanyakannya

Kupikir…

Aku hampir menemukan kata “selamanya”

Ternyata ketika aku mempercayainya

Kata itulah yang akhirnya membohongiku

Selamanya itu apa?

Dan tiba-tiba aku merasa sedih kembali

Hatiku sakit memikirkan kemungkinan

Bahwa akan terjadi perpisahan dalam waktu dekat

Kemudian,….

Aku membenci segala “pertemuan”

Hanya dalam sekejap

Ketika aku tahu pertemuan tidak mempertemukan kita

Pertemuan hanya mempertemukan kita dengan perpisahan

Dan kalau saja, kita akhirnya berpisah

Mengapa pula kita harus dipertemukan?

Tiba-tiba saja mendengar kata “perpisahan”

Benakku memutar kembali perpisahan pertamaku

Sewaktu SD—dengan kawan terbaikku

Dan sekarang….

Aku mulai merasakan hal yang sama

Read the rest of this entry »

“I’m sorry for your loss”, she said
“It’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry”, I said
“Why?”, she frowned and seems confused
“I have lost so many person that I have, and this time only a person that currently added in my lost list”, I explained
” So you get used to over this?”, she asked again
“No, I never.
A lot of lost not help you to used to over this. It only help your heart to be more sincere and you grow more mature to let go”, I said and I hear my voice turn into more sad intonation
” Then, have you not feel the pain because losing someone?”, she asked me again
“I do. Really do. If I turn back and play those memory cassettes– You know how much the pain that I feel inside my heart”
“Then?”
“Then I think another thought and smile”
“Smile? Why suddenly?”
“Because I still have those memories even I lose all my beloved person and those memories always remind me that I always have two choices— to consider it as a loss or to make myself stronger”
Now she nod her head, understand that there is no need to feel worry about “lost” because it helps you to be stronger than before